my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
