Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
