I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
they're like a gay fantastic four
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
