my room smells like sperm. sweet.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
pray to the hookup gods
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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