Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
