Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
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