you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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