I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
