the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
