Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize