What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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