Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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