Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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