Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
