I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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