We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
