WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize