somebody snuck up and got me drunk
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
