I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Farmville is her only friend.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Randomize
