I can't breathe out the right side of my face
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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