i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
