I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
