sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
