all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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