she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize