i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
