Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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