Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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