i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
