i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
