You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
