I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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