Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
