Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
if i died would you start the facebook group?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
