Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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