And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
