I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
We had sex on a dog bed..
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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