Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
