So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
should my penis look like a turkey
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
