puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
