It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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