All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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