Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
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