I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Someone shattered a urinal.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
