i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
