you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
