My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
