toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
