Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
