How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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