I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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