my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
