my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I didn't notice because vodka
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
