found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
