i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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