I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
