Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
