I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
