My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
