I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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