the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
