His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
