True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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