jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
