She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
