My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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