PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
